J.D.: It...kind of looks like it had a stroke. Like...all lopsided.
Me: It was the last pumpkin at Trader Joe's that didn't have warts. Next year, I'll get a good one.
MIL: I like how you carved in laugh lines. I've never seen a pumpkin with wrinkles before.
Me: Those are eyelashes.
J.D.: What's up with his eye? It looks like he is leering at someone. "Hey, baby, I'll jack your lantern any time."
Me: He is not LEERING. He is WINKING. And he's a girl. Hence, the EYELASHES.
J.D.: Or like he's lost a contact lens. "Oh hey you guys do you see it? Where is it? Is it, like, on me?"
Me: I don't like how you started using a Valley Girl voice when you found out it was a lady pumpkin. That is insulting. You have a DAUGHTER. You should be above stereotypes.
J.D.: "Seriously, you guys, I, like, can't see! Omigod! Help!"
FIL, passing by: Hey, nice pumpkin! I like how he's shooting death rays from his eyes.
Me: THEY ARE EYELASHES.
With the lights off and a candle inside, it was still pretty. And that's the point, right?
Right. So suck on that, HATERS.
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