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When I found out I was pregnant with Grace, right before Joy hit the ten-month mark, and I realized my children would be just about a year and half apart, I will admit that my heart sank a bit. Not only were my memories of pregnancy and labor all too vivid still (I remember crying on the phone to my mother at one point, telling her I really wasn't at all sure I could do labor again so soon), I was close to overwhelmed with one small child. How would I handle two, so close in age that one would be barely out of one stage when the other entered it?
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People told me that it would be great, that the first year or so would be really hard, but after that having two children less than two years apart would be wonderful. One amazing mother I know deliberately had four children as close to a year apart as she could - she wanted to have the baby stage all at once and have it over with, as well as wanting her children to grow up close in age. And her kids - all grown and past college now - are awesome, all of them (I have often bemoaned the fact that I have no younger sister I could marry off to one of the boys). But I still wasn't sure.
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Joy gets frustrated at Grace. A lot. She also tries to boss her. A lot. There have been physical altercations (thankfully, not enough to be called A Lot, but enough). "Joy, don't hit your sister over the head with your plate!" is one of those phrases I never thought to hear come out of my mouth, yet has. Grace is pretty easygoing for the most part, but when she gets mad, she Gets Mad. Joy will need to watch her step in another year or so, because soon little sissy isn't going to be so easy to push over (as a little sister myself, I have to admit this doesn't bother me muchly. Older sisters need younger sisters who won't let them be bulldozers). They are not the picture-perfect loving sisters.
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They both just came running up to me and handed me imaginary cookies. "We're making cookies!" Joy squealed. "Cookies!" Gracie echoed. Then they raced back off upstairs, where I am sure they are getting into all sort of mischief but at least they are giggling and I haven't heard any crashes yet so I'm not too worried at the moment.
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They aren't perfect sisters, but they really are, despite the times when they are furious at each other, best friends. Considering that I just emailed my sister, whom I saw on Sunday, to ask if she was going to be available to Skype today because it's been too long since we talked, this fills me with delight.
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Maybe the stress of of the last few years, being pregnant while having one baby still in the house, of having two toddlers, of barely finishing one kid's potty-training when the other decided she was ready for it, of balancing naps and meals and never getting a moment to breathe because someone always needed me ...
Maybe it really has been worth it, to see these two as they are now, and to know it will get even better as they grow older.
I'll never be able to have kids so close together, because of my cervix thing? And part of me is glad I have a built in reason to take birth control seriously because....seriously. But part of me is sad I'll never have kids as close together as your girls. That year and a half is going to feel like less and less as they get older, and because they'll be going through the same things at the same time, they can help each other. It's a beautiful thing to be able to do and beautiful to watch!
ReplyDeleteI think that my sister and I missed out on a lot because our ages are SO FAR apart. That's obvious now, because we have no relationship. I am so much younger (8 years) that she will never see me as anything other than "baby sister," and believe that she can dictate to me what and how I should do things. We don't even have many shared memories together, because quite honestly we grew up in different decades. My cousin Heather is much more like a sister to me than my own sister.
ReplyDeleteI honestly think I would rather this baby be an only child than for her to be more than five years older than a younger sibling. Also, I don't want to be pregnant at age 40.
We still have around 17 weeks until baby #1 comes, and I don't know how quickly I want to be pregnant again, because it hasn't been an easy road, and I did have a miscarriage last January. That said, I would love for the guest bedroom to become another child's room, and for my two kids to spend mornings together getting ready for school or whatever in the Jack and Jill bathroom that separates the two rooms. I want them to be close, like my dad's siblings are and always have been.
I love what your daughters have, and I love what you have with your sister.
My sister and I are three years apart, and while in some ways that felt like an eternity when we were younger, about the time we hit sixteen and thirteen, those three years melted away. I'll always be the little sister, she'll always be the big sister, but much of the tension that comes with those roles vanished once I hit my teens. So even if you have kids that are more than a year apart, they can still have that closeness, it just might take a little longer to get there.
ReplyDeletePrecious. I never had a sister, and often I think my daughter is the sister I never had LOL. I do watch my boys as brothers and am so glad they have each other.
ReplyDeleteSteph
Steph, did you ever watch Gilmore Girls? I've always wanted a Lorelai-Rory relationship with my girls - more friends and sisters than mother-daughter. I bet that will be you and your girl!
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